The return to the roots
I will begin this writing by exposing part of my human nature; the fear that dominated me for many years and prevented me from walking in faith. The fear of dreaming or believing that the good things in life are limited to a few chosen ones and that I was not on that list.
My life was literally ordered for many years, everything in it I had planned through to exhaustion. My marriage, work, entertainment, friendships, family life; everything under control. Judgment and responsibility were the matter of course for me.
One day in June 2010 I left work with a plan to come home and enjoy my husband’s company, good wine and a delicious dinner as usual. I never would have thought this day would change my life forever. On the same day my husband died and that was the end of almost six years of a life full of joint dreams and projects.
I bawled my eyes out, I hated humanity and I asked God many times in my nights of sleeplessness, agony and loneliness … why me? … why me? As if my life had been flawless. Those were the most bitter years I have ever experienced, and at the same time they were the years when a higher being, more than a God, more like a Father, took me by the hand and turned my grief into dance.
In those years doubt and fear stirred up obsessive thoughts in my head about the past, present and uncertain future; they were moments of tiredness and insecurity. But I overcame this pain by opening my soul, my spirit and my heart to the faith I had not known before, but which manifested itself in me by penetrating deep into my innermost. By faith I entered new territory with the absolute confidence to know that I was not alone there.
Moved by this certainty and holding on to this hope, one day I sat in the silence of my apartment, looking at the imposing mountains of the Colombian coffee zone and began to question many things in my existence. Among them, having delegated important decisions of my life to my parents, my husband and my friends. In this moment of reflection, I established a balance between my past, the woman I had been, and the woman I wanted to be.
Passages of my childhood, my family, my friends, the places I visited and the life stories I experienced ran through my memory. I knew in my heart that it was time to transcend and fly to other heights, to start over and to continue the journey.
There was no regret about what I could or could not become; for my heart finally began to heal; at that moment I began to be a testimony of trust for my loved ones, my friends, colleagues and for you who are reading my story at the moment. Life is a song about hope; I am convinced that my husband in heaven above knows that his death was not in vain, for I am now a legacy of his joy, his immense tenderness, his love for man, nature and animals.
Taking responsibility for myself was not an impulse, but ratherit was more a slow but real process and awareness of my own rhythms. An act of sincerity towards myself; with my essence and passions; among them teaching.
At that time I found a balance to what had so far been spent 11 years teaching in preschool and primary school; service I had rendered with love, devotion and generosity. When I had all these experiences, the desire began to grow in my head to continue my vocation in another culture and in a new country.
So with determination and joy for a new chapter opened to me by God and life, I wanted to live first hand what I had seen and read about other countries and cultures. It was a laborious search for the new goal, and when the opportunity presented itself, I travelled two times to China without hesitation. I sold my belongings, I left the longed-for professional stability and my much appreciated parents; to live my history and vocation.
Travelling as a Spanish teacher was one of the most enriching experiences of my life; I met wonderful people, absolutely enchanting places, food I never thought I’d ever taste and experienced situations I never imagined. All, absolutely all of these experiences have fulfilled the divine plan in my life. I feel like the happiest woman in the world; and if anyone asked me if I would change anything in my past, I would emphatically say no, because everything I experienced was a preparation to meet with maturity and joy the fact of living far away from my country and my family.
With light luggage I travelled to China in early 2017 and I still remember well when I first entered Shanghai Airport until I returned to my country a year later; to fulfill my loving duties as a daughter, to share everything with my family, to thank them for their unconditional love and to tell them how important they are to me and how much I love them.
Almost five months after my return to Colombia, I decided to travel to South India, where I am writing this story right now, to realize my passion for teaching and to share my experiences and knowledge with my students in a generous and entertaining way.
Now that I am in this beautiful and so contrasting country, I feel that I am making a journey to my roots, to my being; now I am beginning to recollect myself, conscious of my virtues and my value. An inner path of absolute acceptance and gratitude for the path taken and the beginning of a wonderful future in faith.